Friday, July 26, 2013

Briar's 4th birthday

Today we celebrated Briar's 4th birthday. I woke up this morning and started crying while playing with Beckett and changing his diaper. It's our usual morning routine for me to get him out of his crib, smile and play, then change his diaper. I was not sure why today I was crying during such a routine thing.   A few minutes later, I remembered I needed to sing to my big boy Briar!  I ran up the stairs to find the birthday boy and sing to him.  I asked what he wanted to do for his birthday. He said he wanted to go to Target and get a Bey Blade. I offered to take him today, but since we are visiting cousins he wants to go when we get back home. All he wanted to do for his birthday was play with cousins and get a snow cone.  Unfortunately the snow cone stand was closed, but a trip to the gas station sufficed as he got to pick out whatever treats he wanted (Gatorade and Skittles).  Then later I went to Costco with my sister in law for a few groceries. After we checked out I went to the food court. As I was waiting for my ice cream bar to be made I was getting teary eyed again. I miss Easton so much!!
 We happen to be visiting family in Dallas (Laura and John Ellis) and Grandma Betty Whipple is here from Idaho as well. We have enjoyed our family time for sure!  Grandma Betty never met Easton, and she was also unable to attend his funeral service.  After dinner we decided to show her the video that Nathan made with all of Easton's pictures. I was a mess as I just looked at his angelic face and wished so badly I could squeeze him today. As I tucked Briar in bed, I realized why today has been so emotional. I don't know where I heard this, but I heard we are a little more emotional when we feel a loved ones spirit close. I told Briar that I think his best friend and brother had his spirit with us today. Briar's reply was, "I couldn't see his spirit mom."  So I ask him if he felt Easton tugging on his heart string. Briar said, "Yes, I feel him tugging my heart."
 Today was such a hard day missing Easton, because I know he is Briar's best friend. I have no doubt that his spirit was close to me today which explains the random stream of tears. I miss that little guy more than words could ever explain, but I have enjoyed the spiritual lessons, the sweet tender mercies, and the humbling affect it has had on my family. I just hope that as our family continues to move forward that our children will remember the relationships they shared with Easton. I already feel like those memories are fading fast for me. I used to be able to hear his voice and laugh in my mind. I struggle as I try to concentrate and remember them. I am so thankful for modern technology that allows us to video record on our cell phones. We have been blessed with some sweet videos of that perfect little boy to help keep those memories fresh and alive. It must have been so much harder for those before our day when they didn't have pictures or videos to look at and remind them of the sweet and precious innocence of our little children. Happy birthday Briar!  I am so glad you and Easton were such good friends and I have no doubt that you will be friends and brothers forever in Heaven. I am so blessed to be your mom. I am thankful for Briar and his innocence. He is very close to the spirit and has such a true and real faith and knowledge of our Heavenly Father and His plan. It amazes me how much he truly understands and how much faith he has. I love my big Boy Briar!  He is just growing up way too fast!  I also hope Briar remembers these experiences and the spirit he has with him, so that as he grows up he will strengthen his relationship with the Savior and our Heavenly Father, so he will also get to be with his "best fwend, Beastie".

1 comment:

  1. Oh Tiffany. You are such a blessing to so many, especially your sweet family. Never question the tenderness of heart you feel. Those feelings are indeed the spirit tugging on your heart strings. Your children will always remember Easton and feel the love they share as you continue to keep him a part of your family. Our son William returned to Heavenly Father without any of our children having met him, but they all feel his love and closeness. Bjorn and Aimee both had very special experiences with his spirit and love especially while serving their missions. Easton's love and memories will always be a part of your family, and who your children become as they continue to grow. I love you and your family so much, and you know you have ALWAYS held a special place in my heart and in our family. You all continue to be in our prayers. Love you forever and always!