Monday, July 1, 2013
Yesterday made 5 weeks since our Easton was taken back to our Father in Heaven. Each morning I wake up thinking it was just a nightmare. Then I stare at his crib thinking I will see him in it. As I look at the empty crib, tricycle, booster seat, car seat, shoes, toys, clothes, binkies, and any other thing that reminds me of him, my heart is broken missing my sweet Easton. Daily mundane tasks like cooking, grocery shoppping, and taking care of the house are hard and send my mind into a state of confusion. As I wonder why such simple tasks are hard, yet coaching and serving others is easy, someone pointed out that those tasks that are daily mundane things I did for Easton. Subconciously it is hard because doing them without him is admitting he isn't around and it is moving on without him. This weekend we took a family trip for some quality family time. It was quiet and we were able to talk with each child one on one. We also got to have a lot of fun. It was great getting away from the busy daily life. It was also hard thinking Easton would have loved to be hiking, swimming, and playing too. He loved to be outdoors and loved swimming. As hard as each day is, and as I feel sad missing him, I am quick to remember that without sadness there is no joy. I think of why we are given opposition in all things. We must know saddness to know joy. We must know heartbreak to know love. I know my Savior lives and loves me. I know Easton lives and I will be with him again. I just have a lot more learning to do to be worthy to enough to join them. As I continue to face this trial I see many blessings and continue to see the hand of the Lord in my life. I have learned many things of Easton's life and death. I am sure there are many more things I will learn as well, as long as I continue to turn to my Father in heaven.