Sunday, March 2, 2014
What nobody told me about losing a child
I have read and talked to many people who have had a child pass away, but what nobody ever told me is that I would also lose a piece of EACH of my children when we buried Easton. (At least for some time) I know the grieving process is long and different for everyone, but what I have discovered the past few months is that I am having to learn to parent each of my children again. They each have their own way of processing and handling the trauma they have experienced the last nine months. As a mom I am having to learn and adjust to the changes in each of them and try to be understanding of the difficult behaviors they're exhibiting. As challenging as it has been the past few months as these behavior changes have come to light, I have learned a few things. First, I have to understand that their world has been flipped upside down and rocked in ways I can't relate to. I can understand that they are hurting and they don't even recognize their feelings and the changes in themselves as being related to the loss of Easton. Second, I have learned that it is going to take me being patient and unconditionally loving to help them find security, safety, and refuge. As the kids exhibit these difficult behaviors I have realized they need to feel valued and treasured as much as Easton. When I begin to feel overwhelemed and frustrated with the kids choices, I have realized it is important for me to help them find their own self worth. This is very hard. There are days where I am just emotionally and physically exhausted, especially when the kids are grumpy, constantly fighting, and whinning over simple and small things that used to never be a problem. Every mom feels this struggle sometimes, but it has been magnified 100 fold with the constant battle to balance my children's hardships and grieving, my own grieving, and carrying on being strong for my children and husband, while still continuing on with all the other tasks of life we had before Easton died. I know that as we face this hardship together as a family, and focus on the eternal perspective of things, that over time our family will be healed and whole through our Savior's love and atonement. Until that time comes I will share what I am learning as I walk that path, and hope I can in some small way help someone else along the way.