Benefits

Today our family had the opportunity to attend a benefit to raise money for a family that is very close friends of ours.  As I sat at the park and happend to have a moment alone, I got a little teary eyed.  It was a little out of no where, but immediately I recognized that I felt Easton's presence.  This family that we were there to support lost the grandfather/dad a few months before Easton, so they know grief all too well also.  When I told one of the family members my experience with crying and feeling Easton close, she commented that she felt both of them (her father and Easton) there as well, and could picture them in the crowd of people.  I am so thankful for those tender mercies when I am feeling sad missing Easton, but knowing the Lord is looking after me as I am able to recognize His hand in all things.

Tonight as we were saying our prayer for dinner, Zackery said a great prayer without any help or prompting from me or Nathan.  One of the things he said was, "Thank thee that we could help others when they are hurt."  There was a pause as he was saying that, because he couldn't remember the word "benefit".  The benefit was to raise money for the family, because they have no health insurance and the dad had back surgery after breaking his back. It made my heart melt to know that my child is thankful to serve and help others.  After he was done praying, Briar was quick to tell Zack that he forgot to pray about Easton.  I commented that Zackery could say another prayer and Briar said, "No, I will do it." Then he immediately started praying.  Briar's prayers have been awesome.  He says them with no help and he ALWAYS says he is thankful for, "Hevenwy Fadder, Jesus, and Beastie."   

Today was a good day.  The kids had fun playing with friends at the benefit, and I was able to enjoy some very special moments with the kids.  I am so thankful for the "benefits", also known as blessings, my family receives as we continue to try and heal.  I am thankful for the friends and family we have. Every email, phone call, text message, Facebook post, comment, prayer, little treats, card, package, etc, are all blessings and tender mercies that continue to lift us as we try to learn and grow from this difficult experience.

A Penny for Every Tear

Sydney and Easton

Bruce and Beastie

Josh and Easton

Spencer and Easton

Dallin and Easton

Beastie walking Zoe

Best "fwends" in the sandbox at the Collins

One of Easton's favorite toys at the Collins

Dallin and Eastie

Spencer swinging Easton in their backyard

Astros game for military recognition night

"Mom" Nicole

If I got a penny for each tear shed the past few months, or even just this week,  I would be rich.  I have had quite an emotional few months since Easton died, but this week has been extra tough as well.  Last weekend started off emotional as we visited with family in Dallas at my sister in laws.  The last time we went to Dallas before Easton died was at Thanksgiving, so being together with family there brought fun memories and sadness as I long to hold my baby boy.  This week was also tough as we visited many days, for different amounts of time, as we tried to help our friends, the Collins family, pack up to move to Saudi Arabia.  These are not just any friends.  This is a family so close to us with a bond that is not easily explained.  Nicole Collins is one of my closest friends, because she said yes when I asked her to watch my kids while we went on a week long cruise.  She is crazy and said yes!  It was that week that she and Easton became such close spirits.  She was a second mom to Easton.  Nicole would watch Easton frequently, because she didn't like if I asked someone else to watch him when I went to a doctor appointment or dentist appointment, etc.  Sometimes she would just take him because she loved spending time with him.  Sydney, her daughter, is our regular babysitter for date night.  Their entire family sits with us at church and they used to compete with each other for Easton's attention to allow them each a turn to hold him and love on him.  But Easton would always scan down the row and pass everyone up until he reached Nicole. It was rare for a day to go by over the past year that Nicole and Easton didn't see each other.  He loves her so much and she loves him.  I loved to watch them together and just awed at the love Easton has for her.  Some moms may have been jealous having their baby call another woman mom.  I am just so thankful that I had a precious little boy who knew how to love more than anyone could imagine.  As we were at their house this week trying to help pack up, I couldn't help but picture him there at the house doing some of his favorite activities or playing with his favorite toys.  I could picture in my mind some of the videos we have of him playing with the neighbors dog, or picturing Easton playing with Zoe or in the sand box, on the trampoline, or swinging. One thing Nicole pointed out to help me realize is that there are so many memories at their house of things Easton loved to do because he loved everything.  That sweet boy just loved life and loved everyone and everything!  Two months ago changed the dynamic of our family and our pew at church will never be the same without him.  Our family will never be the same either.  But tomorrow I will shed more tears, because this sweet family that we love so much will be leaving us for three years to live half way across the world from us.  As their house becomes empty and I picture our church pew empty, my heart breaks again knowing such dear friends that share such a strong bond with Easton will be so far away.  I am so thankful for Nicole and all she did for our family.  I am not sure if she realizes it, but because they had such a special bond, we have many pictures and videos of his life that we would have missed out on.  So yes, if I had a penny for every tear I would be rich.  Instead of money for each tear, I will give thanks and count my blessings with each tear, which I would take over any dollar amount any day.  Money can't buy happiness, peace, and joy.  Although I feel sadness in missing my sweet baby and knowing I won't see my close friends except once a year, I also cry tears of joy as I remember how blessed I am to have been blessed with a perfect angel and loving friends.  Sweet Easton, you are greatly missed.  Collins family you will be greatly missed.  Until we meet again!!