Family Pictures

After Easton died, we had an acquaintance offer to take family pictures for us.  This was such a wonderful experience for our family, and now we are closer friends with the photographer.  It is amazing to see what impact Easton's life and death have had on so many people around our family.  I am so thankful for the opportunity we had to get our pictures taken, especially because I hadn't done a family picture after I had Beckett.  I was waiting until this summer when he was a little older and more alert.  Unfortunately I waited too long, so we will never have a family picture with everyone "living", but it was quite a spiritual experience to take these photos.  Although Easton is only physically there via a canvas picture, he is still very much alive in spirit.  I felt his presence with us as we took these pictures and I feel him close to me often as I think of him, miss him, and grieve over him.  He truly is an angel baby and I can't wait to hold him again!  I hope as you view these pictures you will feel God's love for you as I know I feel His love for me through my children, friends, family, and acquaintances that show so much love and thoughtfulness during this difficult time.

Thank you Rita McEntire from Whimsy and Spice Photography

Benefits

Today our family had the opportunity to attend a benefit to raise money for a family that is very close friends of ours.  As I sat at the park and happend to have a moment alone, I got a little teary eyed.  It was a little out of no where, but immediately I recognized that I felt Easton's presence.  This family that we were there to support lost the grandfather/dad a few months before Easton, so they know grief all too well also.  When I told one of the family members my experience with crying and feeling Easton close, she commented that she felt both of them (her father and Easton) there as well, and could picture them in the crowd of people.  I am so thankful for those tender mercies when I am feeling sad missing Easton, but knowing the Lord is looking after me as I am able to recognize His hand in all things.

Tonight as we were saying our prayer for dinner, Zackery said a great prayer without any help or prompting from me or Nathan.  One of the things he said was, "Thank thee that we could help others when they are hurt."  There was a pause as he was saying that, because he couldn't remember the word "benefit".  The benefit was to raise money for the family, because they have no health insurance and the dad had back surgery after breaking his back. It made my heart melt to know that my child is thankful to serve and help others.  After he was done praying, Briar was quick to tell Zack that he forgot to pray about Easton.  I commented that Zackery could say another prayer and Briar said, "No, I will do it." Then he immediately started praying.  Briar's prayers have been awesome.  He says them with no help and he ALWAYS says he is thankful for, "Hevenwy Fadder, Jesus, and Beastie."   

Today was a good day.  The kids had fun playing with friends at the benefit, and I was able to enjoy some very special moments with the kids.  I am so thankful for the "benefits", also known as blessings, my family receives as we continue to try and heal.  I am thankful for the friends and family we have. Every email, phone call, text message, Facebook post, comment, prayer, little treats, card, package, etc, are all blessings and tender mercies that continue to lift us as we try to learn and grow from this difficult experience.

A Penny for Every Tear

Sydney and Easton

Bruce and Beastie

Josh and Easton

Spencer and Easton

Dallin and Easton

Beastie walking Zoe

Best "fwends" in the sandbox at the Collins

One of Easton's favorite toys at the Collins

Dallin and Eastie

Spencer swinging Easton in their backyard

Astros game for military recognition night

"Mom" Nicole

If I got a penny for each tear shed the past few months, or even just this week,  I would be rich.  I have had quite an emotional few months since Easton died, but this week has been extra tough as well.  Last weekend started off emotional as we visited with family in Dallas at my sister in laws.  The last time we went to Dallas before Easton died was at Thanksgiving, so being together with family there brought fun memories and sadness as I long to hold my baby boy.  This week was also tough as we visited many days, for different amounts of time, as we tried to help our friends, the Collins family, pack up to move to Saudi Arabia.  These are not just any friends.  This is a family so close to us with a bond that is not easily explained.  Nicole Collins is one of my closest friends, because she said yes when I asked her to watch my kids while we went on a week long cruise.  She is crazy and said yes!  It was that week that she and Easton became such close spirits.  She was a second mom to Easton.  Nicole would watch Easton frequently, because she didn't like if I asked someone else to watch him when I went to a doctor appointment or dentist appointment, etc.  Sometimes she would just take him because she loved spending time with him.  Sydney, her daughter, is our regular babysitter for date night.  Their entire family sits with us at church and they used to compete with each other for Easton's attention to allow them each a turn to hold him and love on him.  But Easton would always scan down the row and pass everyone up until he reached Nicole. It was rare for a day to go by over the past year that Nicole and Easton didn't see each other.  He loves her so much and she loves him.  I loved to watch them together and just awed at the love Easton has for her.  Some moms may have been jealous having their baby call another woman mom.  I am just so thankful that I had a precious little boy who knew how to love more than anyone could imagine.  As we were at their house this week trying to help pack up, I couldn't help but picture him there at the house doing some of his favorite activities or playing with his favorite toys.  I could picture in my mind some of the videos we have of him playing with the neighbors dog, or picturing Easton playing with Zoe or in the sand box, on the trampoline, or swinging. One thing Nicole pointed out to help me realize is that there are so many memories at their house of things Easton loved to do because he loved everything.  That sweet boy just loved life and loved everyone and everything!  Two months ago changed the dynamic of our family and our pew at church will never be the same without him.  Our family will never be the same either.  But tomorrow I will shed more tears, because this sweet family that we love so much will be leaving us for three years to live half way across the world from us.  As their house becomes empty and I picture our church pew empty, my heart breaks again knowing such dear friends that share such a strong bond with Easton will be so far away.  I am so thankful for Nicole and all she did for our family.  I am not sure if she realizes it, but because they had such a special bond, we have many pictures and videos of his life that we would have missed out on.  So yes, if I had a penny for every tear I would be rich.  Instead of money for each tear, I will give thanks and count my blessings with each tear, which I would take over any dollar amount any day.  Money can't buy happiness, peace, and joy.  Although I feel sadness in missing my sweet baby and knowing I won't see my close friends except once a year, I also cry tears of joy as I remember how blessed I am to have been blessed with a perfect angel and loving friends.  Sweet Easton, you are greatly missed.  Collins family you will be greatly missed.  Until we meet again!!

Briar's 4th birthday

Today we celebrated Briar's 4th birthday. I woke up this morning and started crying while playing with Beckett and changing his diaper. It's our usual morning routine for me to get him out of his crib, smile and play, then change his diaper. I was not sure why today I was crying during such a routine thing.   A few minutes later, I remembered I needed to sing to my big boy Briar!  I ran up the stairs to find the birthday boy and sing to him.  I asked what he wanted to do for his birthday. He said he wanted to go to Target and get a Bey Blade. I offered to take him today, but since we are visiting cousins he wants to go when we get back home. All he wanted to do for his birthday was play with cousins and get a snow cone.  Unfortunately the snow cone stand was closed, but a trip to the gas station sufficed as he got to pick out whatever treats he wanted (Gatorade and Skittles).  Then later I went to Costco with my sister in law for a few groceries. After we checked out I went to the food court. As I was waiting for my ice cream bar to be made I was getting teary eyed again. I miss Easton so much!!
 We happen to be visiting family in Dallas (Laura and John Ellis) and Grandma Betty Whipple is here from Idaho as well. We have enjoyed our family time for sure!  Grandma Betty never met Easton, and she was also unable to attend his funeral service.  After dinner we decided to show her the video that Nathan made with all of Easton's pictures. I was a mess as I just looked at his angelic face and wished so badly I could squeeze him today. As I tucked Briar in bed, I realized why today has been so emotional. I don't know where I heard this, but I heard we are a little more emotional when we feel a loved ones spirit close. I told Briar that I think his best friend and brother had his spirit with us today. Briar's reply was, "I couldn't see his spirit mom."  So I ask him if he felt Easton tugging on his heart string. Briar said, "Yes, I feel him tugging my heart."
 Today was such a hard day missing Easton, because I know he is Briar's best friend. I have no doubt that his spirit was close to me today which explains the random stream of tears. I miss that little guy more than words could ever explain, but I have enjoyed the spiritual lessons, the sweet tender mercies, and the humbling affect it has had on my family. I just hope that as our family continues to move forward that our children will remember the relationships they shared with Easton. I already feel like those memories are fading fast for me. I used to be able to hear his voice and laugh in my mind. I struggle as I try to concentrate and remember them. I am so thankful for modern technology that allows us to video record on our cell phones. We have been blessed with some sweet videos of that perfect little boy to help keep those memories fresh and alive. It must have been so much harder for those before our day when they didn't have pictures or videos to look at and remind them of the sweet and precious innocence of our little children. Happy birthday Briar!  I am so glad you and Easton were such good friends and I have no doubt that you will be friends and brothers forever in Heaven. I am so blessed to be your mom. I am thankful for Briar and his innocence. He is very close to the spirit and has such a true and real faith and knowledge of our Heavenly Father and His plan. It amazes me how much he truly understands and how much faith he has. I love my big Boy Briar!  He is just growing up way too fast!  I also hope Briar remembers these experiences and the spirit he has with him, so that as he grows up he will strengthen his relationship with the Savior and our Heavenly Father, so he will also get to be with his "best fwend, Beastie".

Trials Can Be a Spiritual Experience

This week has been more difficult than others since Easton's death. As I struggle each day to focus on normal tasks or conversations my heart just aches. I have a hard time carrying a conversation. I feel like I only hear about 2/3 of what people say to me. I apologize to all my friends for that. I don't even know where my mind goes. It just seems partially numb. My faith and testimony don't wa...iver, but the pain is real. Earlier this week I was asked to speak in church today. This week as I pondered the topic of my talk I began to realize that EVERY trial I face in life CAN be a spiritual experience if I put my heart, soul, mind, and faith in the Savior. I recognized that as I began thinking about my experiences with Easton and all that the spirit has taught me since he has died. Our family has learned so much from his life and his death. It has been a very spiritual experience and I have had many each week since his death, which i am truly thankful for. As much pain as I feel every day, I know it will get better. I know that joy will replace that pain ten fold stronger when we reunite with Easton in Heaven. I appreciate the tender mercies that are sent to me so often as I need them. I am thankful to know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my needs. I know he knows what trials to send me so that I can learn to be more like Him. I also know he won't give me more than I can handle. I am thankful for this knowledge because it brings me peace during this difficult time. I couldn't imagine going through this without the testimony I have of my Savior and His Gospel that is taught in His church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Tender Mercy Beckett Boy

My happy boy! Heavenly Father knew how hard each morning would be without sweet Easton, so it is no accident that he sent me this happy boy to take care of! Good morning from the Beckett Boy!!!

Garden of Easton

My husband has done an amazing job and worked so hard to create a place of reverence where we can go spend time relecting on our life and our memories of Easton.  This is a sacred place where we can feel Easton close to us and feel the Savior's love surround us as we take quiet time away from the noise of the world and reflect on things of more importance.